my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
