she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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