Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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