new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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