Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
