I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
