I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
