I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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