They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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