Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
