i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
