Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
