I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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