Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
