I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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