So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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