The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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