So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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