she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
