man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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