I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
