Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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