My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
