I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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