God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
