I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
