I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
