there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
