she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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