she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
