So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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