I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
