it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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