it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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