I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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