Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
