Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
