im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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