God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
