those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
