marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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