yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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