shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
