I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
