are you so shy because you have an std?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
