2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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