Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
