Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
