I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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