This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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