Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
